Parent Engagement Archives - Dallas Surf Soccer Club

Supporting the child, developing the player

Melissa Schwartz — Thu, 06 Aug 2026 21:12:03 +0000

Dallas Surf Parent Engagement Program

Together We Develop More Than Players

Introducing the Dallas Surf Parent Engagement Program.

Stronger Together

Supporting the Whole Player

At Dallas Surf, we are committed to developing confident players, strong teammates, and great people. While our coaches provide a world-class training environment, we know that a player's experience is shaped just as much by the support they receive at home and on the sidelines.

That is why we are introducing the Dallas Surf Parent Engagement Program, an initiative designed to strengthen the partnership between our coaches and families and create the best possible environment for every player to thrive.

A Shared Purpose

Why Parent Engagement?

A player's experience extends beyond training and games.

Youth soccer is about far more than wins and losses. It is about building resilience, confidence, character, and a lifelong love of the game. Players benefit most when coaches and parents understand their roles and work together with a shared purpose.

Our Parent Engagement Program will provide families with practical tools, resources, and guidance to help support their child's soccer journey while reinforcing Dallas Surf culture and values.

Players develop best when coaches and parents work together with a shared purpose.

Supporting Families

What to Expect This Season

Practical information, education, and opportunities to connect.

Throughout the year, parents can look forward to:

Monthly parent newsletters with coaching insights and player development ideas.
Educational resources focused on positive parenting in sport.
Parent workshops and information sessions.
Guidance on effective sideline behavior and communication.
Opportunities to better understand our coaching philosophy and approach to long-term player development.

Working Together

Our Shared Commitment

Creating the right environment for every player.

Together, we will strive to create an environment where every player feels supported, challenged, and inspired. As a Dallas Surf family, we ask parents to:

Encourage effort, learning, and enjoyment above the final score.
Trust the development process and allow players to solve problems on the field.
Respect referees, opponents, teammates, and coaches at all times.
Celebrate resilience, teamwork, and improvement.
Help create a positive match-day atmosphere that reflects the values of Dallas Surf.

Dallas Surf

One Team. One Environment.

Every training session, every match, and every conversation contributes to a player's experience. By working together, coaches and parents can provide a consistent message that allows players to grow both on and off the field.

Thank you for being an important part of the Dallas Surf family. We look forward to working with you throughout the season as we continue to create an environment where every player can develop, compete, and enjoy the game.

Together, we are shaping not only better soccer players, but better people.

Dallas Surf Insider

Continue the Conversation.

Subscribe to Dallas Surf Insider for practical ideas, parent resources, coaching insights, player stories, and club updates designed to support every player's journey on and off the field.

Parent resources Coaching insights Player stories Club news

Subscribe Free

The post Supporting the child, developing the player appeared first on Dallas Surf Soccer Club.

Why do some children stay in sport and why do some walk away?

Melissa Schwartz — Thu, 06 Aug 2026 20:52:11 +0000

Guest Article

You Get Everything Else

A message for the parents who drive standards and create the sporting environment every young player experiences.

Richard Jones

Founder, The Sporting Resource

I've stood on enough touchlines over 15 years to know exactly how we talk about parents in sport. Often it's a discreet conversation, or the separate WhatsApp group, the one without the parents in it, where a name comes up, or a behaviour, or a standard that's slipped and cost a player something.

Nobody ever asks the obvious question, what about the parents who drive standards, who create the sporting environment we all say we want?

This one is written for them, which probably means it's written for you.

What You Actually Give

Your child's coach gets two hours a week, whilst you get everything else.

Almost everything that shapes how your child feels about this sport happens somewhere the coach isn't standing. It happens at the kitchen table on a Friday night when they tell you they don't fancy it tomorrow, and in the hallway at eight the next morning while you're both hunting for the other shin pad, and more than anywhere it happens in the car, in those twenty minutes after the whistle where your child works out whether that game was a disaster or just a game.

Then there's the part nobody counts, the fuel and the fees and the boots outgrown by March, and the lift you've been giving another family's child since September that neither of you has ever mentioned to anyone.

What Your Presence Is Actually Teaching

Children stay in sport when they enjoy it and when they feel they belong, and you hold more influence over both than anyone else at that club.

Applaud a teammate and your child learns something about the group they're part of. Take a poor refereeing decision without shouting and they learn how adults handle unfairness. What they read on your face after a defeat, or in the way you're standing before you've said a word, tells them whether the result has changed how you feel about them, and that's the most important thing they'll find out all season.

None of that appears on any code of conduct, and all of it does more for your child than anything I manage on a Tuesday night at training.

The Hardest Thing You Do

Ask any coach what they want from the drive home and the answer comes back the same, from Wales to Norway to the United States. Ask, don't tell.

You've just watched your own child struggle for an hour. You can see exactly what went wrong, one sentence would fix it, and the right move is to say none of it. That asks for restraint at the precise moment restraint is hardest, in a small enclosed space, with nobody watching and nobody who'll ever know you managed it.

Thousands of you do that every weekend, with no training, no support, nobody explaining why it works, not one word of thanks from a game that depends on you doing it.

Here's the part I'd want every parent to sit with, since a verdict delivered in the first ten minutes ends the conversation before your child has had the chance to start it. They stop working out what happened and start managing your reaction instead, then tell you a little less each game until eventually they tell you nothing at all. You can do the driving and the early mornings and the fees for eight years, and that one habit will quietly undo most of it.

Questions Worth Asking

Silence comes first. Some children talk at the car door, others need until teatime, and the ones who need longer are working out whether it's safe, based mostly on how you took it last week.

When they're ready, these tend to open something up.

What did you enjoy most today?
Anything you were trying to work on?
Who helped you out there?
Best bit of your game?
Something you want to be sharper at next week?

Notice they're all non-judgemental, none of them mention the result, and every one of them hands your child the microphone. On the way there the same principle runs in reverse, so skip the build-up and skip the kit inventory and let the car sound like any other morning. Build a game-day playlist between you and enjoy the drive.

There are two answers worth welcoming rather than trying to fix. "Dunno" is fine. "I don't want to talk about it" is better than fine, since a child who'll say that to you trusts you enough to say it.

What Happened Instead

Football has spent twenty years telling parents what not to do, with codes of conduct, the rope along the touchline, silent weekends, and signs on the fence about who the game belongs to.

Every one of those came from something real. Referees were walking away from the game, youngsters refereeing on a Sunday morning were getting sworn at by adults three times their age, and some parents did make it about themselves, a few still do, and pretending otherwise would insult your intelligence.

The rope was never the mistake, but stopping there was. Clubs wrote a full account of what a parent must not do, never got round to writing the other half, and parents split two ways.

Some of you took it at face value and went quiet, stood back, said nothing, decided the safest contribution was no contribution at all. Those clubs got the silent touchline they'd asked for, then started wondering why nobody volunteers.

The rest of you filled the gap yourselves, which is exactly what anyone would do. With nothing anywhere describing what good looks like at under-nines, the nearest available model is the one on television every weekend, where a manager screams from the technical area, where one mistake gets picked apart by four pundits at half time, where the result is the only thing anybody discusses afterwards. Sunday morning ends up coached like the Premier League, since nobody ever offered anything else to copy.

Noise Was Never the Problem

A touchline roaring when a nine-year-old scores is a touchline doing its job, and a child who scores and turns round to silence learns something colder than shouting could ever teach them.

Volume was never the issue, but what does the damage is the constant instruction, since your child can't process your voice and the coach's at the same time, and judgement, since a groan carries thirty metres and they'll hear the verdict in it long before they work out the words.

Shout for the goal, for the tackle back, for the child on the other team who's just done something brave, since none of that has ever hurt anybody.

Have You Actually Asked Them?

Some of you will read that and think your child wants you loud, that it helps, that the encouragement is the point and they'd miss it if it stopped.

That might well be true, though the only way you'll ever know is to ask them, on an ordinary day, with no result hanging over it, in a way that lets the answer be no. Children are expert at telling a parent what the parent wants to hear, so "you like me cheering you on, don't you?" has only one available answer and you'll get it every time.

Try these instead.

What do you want me doing while you play?
Anything I do that you'd rather I stopped?
How do you want the car to be afterwards?

Then take the answer, whatever it turns out to be, since a child who tells you the truth once and watches you argue with it won't tell you again.

Two Tools, Both Free

The Sideline Reflection Tool runs to ten questions. Pick the age band that fits your child, answer honestly, and it shows your strongest tendencies rather than a score or a verdict. Nothing's saved, no account is needed, and nobody sees your answers. Five minutes, done on your phone in the car park.

The Youth Sport Parent Self-Assessment is the printable version, scored out of fifty. It works best where two of you fill it in separately and compare, or where a club wants something to build a parents' evening around rather than another PDF nobody opens.

Neither will tell you anything your child couldn't tell you themselves. Both make it easier to ask.

One Thing This Season

Stand where your child can see you. No code of conduct asks for that, no rule requires it, and nobody will notice whether you did.

At some point on Saturday morning your child will do something they're proud of, and the first thing they'll do is look up.

Be there when they do.

Dallas Surf Insider

Continue the Conversation.

Subscribe to Dallas Surf Insider for practical ideas, parent resources, coaching insights, player stories, and club updates designed to support every player's journey on and off the field.

Parent resources Coaching insights Player stories Club news

Subscribe Free

The post Why do some children stay in sport and why do some walk away? appeared first on Dallas Surf Soccer Club.

The Development Rollercoaster: Parent Playbook

Melissa Schwartz — Sat, 25 Oct 2025 16:10:42 +0000

The Ups, Downs, and Everything Between

Player development is rarely a straight line.

One week your child feels unstoppable, the next they’re struggling to make a simple pass.

That doesn’t mean they’re off track. It’s all part of learning and progress isn’t always easy to see. Growth often happens quietly, especially during the times when things don’t seem to come together.

The challenge for parents is staying calm and supportive during the ride.

Growth Isn’t Linear

Many parents imagine progress as a steady climb, but for young players, it’s more like a rollercoaster. There are steep climbs and big dips before things move forward again.

Learning in soccer, and in life, happens through trial and error. When players make mistakes or seem inconsistent, it usually means they’re exploring and problem-solving which will pay off long term.

Research calls this non-linear development, the idea that learning doesn’t happen in smooth, predictable steps.

“Non-linear pedagogy… accounts for the nonlinearity seen in learning and provides ideas on design principles to support practitioners.”
(Chow et al., 2021, Frontiers in Psychology)

The ups and downs you see are not failure — they’re part of how the brain and body learn to adapt.

Confidence Fluctuates Too

Confidence rises and falls with performance. Even the best players lose belief when things get tough.

Your steadiness helps them stay grounded. Confidence grows from effort, not from being perfect.

After games or training, try asking:

“What did you learn today?”
“What went well?”
“What was hard about it?”

Simple questions like these help kids reflect instead of worrying about mistakes. Sometimes, the best support is giving space and letting them figure it out.

“Too much direct engagement [by parents] can come at a cost to kids’ abilities to control their own attention, behavior and emotions.”
Obradović et alStanford Project on Adaptation and Resilience in Kids (2021)

Comparison Slows the Ride

Every player develops differently. Some hit their stride early, others later.

When parents compare their child to others, it creates pressure that slows learning and can distract from what matters most: consistent effort and enjoyment.

Early success doesn’t guarantee long-term excellence, and slow progress doesn’t mean failure. What matters most is that your child stays curious and enjoys the process. Every player’s journey is their own.

Stay Steady Through the Waves

If development is a rollercoaster, parents are the safety bar. Your consistency gives your child confidence, especially when results or performances dip.

When things go well, celebrate effort and teamwork. When things feel hard, stay calm and patient.

Even elite (professionals) players plateau before they improve again. Progress takes time, and the best support you can give is belief in the process.

“Children who are praised for effort, not just ability, are more likely to embrace challenges and persist after setbacks.”
Carol DweckMindset: The New Psychology of Success

Final Takeaway

Progress in soccer isn’t predictable. Some days it clicks, other days it doesn’t, and that’s part of long-term learning.

The biggest thing parents can protect is their child’s joy and love for the game. When comparisons start, that joy fades — and once it’s gone, confidence usually follows. Confidence gives kids the courage to try, fail, and try again. Joy keeps them coming back.

The goal isn’t just to develop better players. The goal is to help them love the game enough to keep playing, no matter how bumpy the journey gets.

Want more youth soccer insights?

Our Insider shares practical tools to help kids thrive in youth soccer — with tips for parents, coaches, and players. From training ideas to parent support and player nutrition, all designed to support your player’s journey on and off the field

The post The Development Rollercoaster: Parent Playbook appeared first on Dallas Surf Soccer Club.

10 Tips to Support Your Players Journey: Parent Playbook

Melissa Schwartz — Tue, 23 Sep 2025 21:55:35 +0000

10 Tips to Support Your Player’s Journey

Last month, we introduced the Athlete Triangle — the connection between players, coaches, and parents that shapes the environment for growth. This month, we’re zooming in on the parent side of that triangle. What does support look like in practice? Here are 10 practical tips to support your youth soccer player’s journey and help your child thrive on and off the field.

1. Protect JOY of youth soccer player’s at All Costs

Soccer should be joyful. When kids enjoy the game, motivation and intensity come naturally. Joy is also tied directly to intrinsic motivation — the internal drive to play because it feels meaningful and enjoyable. According to Self-Determination Theory, when kids’ needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness are supported, they stay motivated over the long term. (Ryan & Deci, 2000). Protecting joy is the most important thing a parent can do — because when joy disappears, kids stop playing.

2. Be Their Biggest Fan

Celebrate effort, attitude, and growth — not just goals or wins. Kids need to know that your pride in them doesn’t depend on the scoreboard.

Clap for small improvements.
Recognize when they bounce back from mistakes.
Encourage resilience and sportsmanship.

What matters most is that your child feels supported no matter the outcome.

3. Let Coaches Coach

Your child already has a coach. Your role is different: encouragement, support, and trust. Here’s what that means in practice:

Avoid contradictory instructions. If the coach asks for one thing, and you shout the opposite, the player is caught in the middle and loses clarity.
Ask, don’t assume. If you have questions about decisions, training, or philosophy, speak directly with the coach privately and respectfully.
Avoid comparisons. Talking negatively about other players, or questioning why a teammate is playing ahead of your child, only harms your player’s trust in the team environment.

When parents and coaches are aligned, players feel safe, confident, and clear.

“Parental over-involvement in decision-making can undermine a child’s sense of autonomy, which is essential for motivation.”
Deci & RyanSelf-Determination Theory

4. Focus on the Long Game

Development isn’t linear. Every player grows at a different pace. Trust the process, avoid comparisons, and remember the journey matters more than the weekend result.

5. Model a Growth Mindset

Show your child that effort, persistence, and learning matter more than perfection. Praise their determination and problem-solving, not just natural ability.

By modeling resilience, you teach your child how to embrace challenges instead of fearing mistakes.

“Children who are praised for effort, not just ability, are more likely to embrace challenges and persist after setbacks.”
Carol DweckMindset: The New Psychology of Success

6. Support Rest and Recovery

Players don’t just grow on the field — they grow when they rest. Recovery is one of the most overlooked parts of development, and it’s where the body and mind recharge.

Sleep is the number one recovery tool. Consistent, quality sleep helps with focus, mood, and performance.
Nutrition and hydration fuel that recovery, giving the body what it needs to rebuild.
Downtime — time away from structured soccer — prevents burnout and keeps kids excited to return.

Burnout often comes not from “too much soccer,” but from too little recovery. Parents play a key role in protecting that balance, ensuring their child arrives at the field energized and ready to learn.

7. Be a Positive Presence on the Sidelines

Your behavior sets the tone. Cheer respectfully, support all players, and show gratitude to referees and coaches.

Remember, kids are watching. If they see negativity, complaining, or hostility, they copy it. If they see respect and joy, they carry that too.

8. Handle the Car Ride Home with Care

After games, kids don’t need an instant analysis. There are three keys to having a successful car ride home.

Let the child drive the conversation. Even in asking the questions, let the child lead.
Don’t force the conversation. Remember they just finished a game or practice and they are physically and emotionally exhausted.
Always let them know you love them and are proud of them no matter the outcome of the game or practice.

Sometimes the best and only thing you need to say is: “I love watching you play.”

9. Celebrate Small Wins

Improvement doesn’t always look like a hat-trick. Sometimes it’s being braver on the ball, tracking back quicker, or showing leadership with teammates.

Highlighting these small, process-driven wins builds confidence and keeps motivation high.

10. Respect the Process

Player development takes patience. There will be ups and downs, good games and tough games, moments of joy and frustration.

Your job as a parent is to trust the process, reinforce the lessons being taught, and remind your child that growth takes time.

Final Thought

These 10 tips bring the Athlete Triangle to life. When parents, coaches, and players each focus on their role, kids gain the clarity, support, and joy they need to keep growing.

Together, we can create the best environment for our players — one that builds both better athletes and better people.

“Higher levels of parent pressure are associated with youth athletes’ lower levels of sport enjoyment and less commitment to continue sport.”
Krommidas et al., 2022

👉🏻 For further reading…

On parent roles in youth soccer:

Parental Involvement in Youth Sport

Changing the Game Project

On praise and growth mindset:

Growth Mindset

Self Determination Theory

Want more youth soccer insights?

The post 10 Tips to Support Your Players Journey: Parent Playbook appeared first on Dallas Surf Soccer Club.

The Athlete Triangle: Parent Playbook

Melissa Schwartz — Sat, 06 Sep 2025 18:27:18 +0000

How the Athlete Triangle Builds Better Players and People.

At our recent Coach Engagement Night, we re-centered around our mission:

“The mission of Dallas Surf Soccer Club is to follow the Surf tradition of creating a Best of the Best soccer environment for all players, parents and coaches in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex.”

Our mission only works when everyone is rowing the boat in the same direction. Parents are not spectators in this journey. You are part of the triangle, and when all three sides of the athlete triangle (player, coach, and parent) stay connected, players thrive.

Our club values (S.U.R.F. = Standards, Unity, Respect, Fearless) go beyond training sessions. They shape how we act and interact every day. You should see them in:

Sideline behavior during games (parents and coaches)
Conversations on the car ride home
Parents and coaches committing to their own growth in soccer knowledge and long-term athlete development
The way we work together as one community

When all three sides of the athlete triangle — player, coach, and parent — are connected through these values, players thrive.

🔺 Understanding the Athlete Triangle

We view player development as a collaborative journey. While coaches guide the process and players experience it firsthand, parents arguably influence it more than anyone else. That’s why the relationship between player, coach, and parent is critcial for long-term growth.

🔍 Why It Matters

Research consistently backs this up. Self-Determination Theory, a leading framework in youth development, shows that athletes thrive when they feel:

Competence (they feel capable)
Autonomy (they have ownership in their journey)
Relatedness (they feel connected to those around them)

“Athletes thrive when the adults around them are connected and aligned — not pulling in different directions.”

– Deci & Ryan, Self-Determination Theory

📈 The Benefits of Alignment

When parents and coaches work in sync, players feel supported on every side. This alignment builds:

Motivation — players stay excited to train, compete, and improve
Clarity — consistent messages make learning and decision-making easier
Resilience — athletes gain confidence to handle pressure and setbacks
Belonging — a stronger bond with the game, teammates, and club culture

💡 How We’re Bringing It to Life

At our recent Coach Engagement Night, every coach received a task: More on this task can be found in the newsletter section – coach engagement night.

We asked each coach to work with their players and parents to define 3 core principles their team will live by this season. Chosen from our pinciples discussed in our coach engagement night.

These principles must be:

• Actionable — things we can actually do

• Visible — seen in our behavior, not just our words

• Repeatable — reinforced in training, games, and team meetings

By involving players and parents from the start, we’re creating immediate alignment. It’s one way we’re strengthening the triangle from Day one.

Photos👇🏻 are from teams who have already completed this task…

“Player development doesn’t happen in a vacuum — it’s shaped by the environment around them. Let’s shape that environment together.”

Want to learn more about how to support your child’s journey?

Check out our newsletter each month for new insights, and simple ways to stay connected.

The post The Athlete Triangle: Parent Playbook appeared first on Dallas Surf Soccer Club.